Dear Miss Kitty - Cat advice column!

Miss Kitty on the piano

Dear  Miss Kitty, 

This is really embarassing to write to you, I just don't know what to do! My owner always wants to pick me up, and I mean all the time!  She just has to girlhandle me and I hate it!  Most of the time I just run away and I'm afraid that she will get tired of me and put me outside and get another cat! But I can't help it!  I used to be an outdoor cat, but she saw me and caught me.  


Help! 
Squeaker 

Dear Squeaker, 

If you want my opinion and I think that you do I would put up with it.  The outside world is a hard place for cats.  Just the other day I saw a cat get hit by a car.  It was not a pretty sight, so grin it and bear it.  Stay inside and be a good housecat.  No scratching the furniture in revenge!

Good luck
Miss Kitty

Scratch Post to give away from Ramona in Jerusalem

Hi I am doing a bit of early cleaning, and I want to give away this beautiful scraching post.  I didn't even put a paw on it and it is brand new!  Ok, well I did bat the ball a bit, but I like scrach boxes way better so if you are a cat, or if you get your owner to read this then you can get this scraching post for free.  It is located in Jerusalem. 

SMS to my owner: Rachael 0587500608 to come and pick it up! 

What? A Robot Cat? Really? Ramona answers the Robot Cat.

What do you have to say for yourself?  Hey Robot Cat!  Answer me when I talk to you! https://amzn.to/2FoJqrr

So, this human had to go and get a Robot Cat!  What does it do?  It meows, it purrs and rolls over.  
Big deal I can do that too! 

But then, I also hiss, bite and scratch.  Oh, you don't like that?  Is that why this Robot Cat is here?  What you didn't buy it yet?  Well maybe you should! Fine, be like that!  

https://amzn.to/2OMt9fp

What about this Robot cat?  It's for kids, you say.  And what does it do?  
Meows, walks, When you clap your hands, touch the cat or stamp your feet, the cat will bark and take different movement randomly.

Bark?  This cat will bark?  Well, that's definitely not a cat sound.  Although I do a cat bark sometimes.  Want to hear? 

Yes, Put me Down, Let me Go!  I gotta get out of here!

A robot cat won't mind being pet.  

Fine, so go get one!  

I don't mind, really.  

Well maybe I do.  

Huff.  

Wait, and don't forget to clean my litter box before the weekend!  

Ramona from Jerusalem 

DISCLOSURE
Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means that if you click on a link and buy the product, I will receive a very small commission of the sales price at no cost to you.

Ramona's Last time outside! - Short Story

This is me, I am Ramona and I used to be able to go outside. But I made a big mistake and now I have to stay in. 

But you want to know my story? Yes?  

I was adopted by a loving family in Jerusalem when I was a kitten.   Here is a video of when I was a kitten, I was cute?  No, more like a rat.  But no matter. I was loved and I liked music. 

But I like adventure and so when the back door would open, I would run for it and climb the pergola and whoop, out on the roof I would go.  Did I tell you that we live on the 7th floor? Yes, it is a long way down!  

This is the view from the window inside. 

But one day I was able to get out!! Glory be, it was wonderful to be up on the roof!  Fresh air, chasing pigeons, taking a nap in the sun, what more could a cat want? 

Food.  Yes, but freedom is more important! 

I was have a grand time all day, and I wasn't even hungry.  

Ohh, the wind is starting to blow!  It is getting dark!  I need go back inside, but now it is raining!  Rain! Water from the sky.  I can't go out in that!  I'm hungry now.  
Where? Oh, there is a cat sized space.  I've never been here before,  its dirty. Yuck, no food, but here's a puddle.  Tastes weird, oh well. 

Tired, Gotta sleep.  

Whoa, it is still raining. How long has it been? I don't know, but now I'm really hungry!  

Meow, Meow meow. 

Meow Meow Meow 

Nobody is here.  
Wait, there is someone, my family has come to find me, but I don't like being caught.  They brought me some food.  I'll wait until they leave and then take it. 

Meow Meow Meow 
Still raining.  It must be another day, This place is really dirty, there is a noise that I hear rummph rummph rummph  then it stops and goes again.  There is a machine that goes up and down.  Its interesting to see, but I don't want to go close. 

Meow Meow Meow 

I have to sleep here again. No soft cushions and it wet.  wet wet. 

Now I wake up and its stopped raining.  Can I go home now?  

I think I remember how to find the way back.  This way? No, yuck another dirty puddle. 

Ahh, the roof!  Here it is!  I have to find my litter box.  Gotta find the litter box.  You know a cats gotta go sometime. 

There, the porch of my family.  Zuup, zomp, zump, oh, the paws hurt that last jump was a doozy! in at last.  wow, how dirty I am, this is going to take some time to clean up. 

I was gone for 3 days?  Wow, well one moment up the stairs, litter box here I come!!!

Cats act like . . .

Cats act
like
A snake on the prowl

 like
A tiger growl

like
a beggar with out streched hand

like
a seagull scratching the sand

like
sandpaper kiss

like
you will always miss

When they leave and don't look back.


Rachael Alice Orbach     Enjoy this video with original music and pictures

The Sayings of our Cat Mothers

We all know about the Sayings of the Fathers,  and how they tell us how to lead a good and prosperous life.

But what about the Mothers?  What about Cat Mothers?
Well, we are going to fix this gap in your education.

The Sayings of Our Cat Mothers

A cat in a bag is a bad thing.

The life you have now is better than the other 8 you might never get.

Purring is overrated.

A warm perch with the wind in my whiskers is.  It just is.

Catnip is for youngsters.  Don't bother me with that smell.  I'd rather sleep.

A comfy pillow in  a warm patch of sunlight is all I need on a cold winter's day.

Why don't I get to go out to catch birds?  Oh, I might catch one and then what do I do with it.  Hey Human, do you want this dead bird?

Veterinarians, where is one when you need one?

Who clipped my claws?  No matter I'll sharpen them up again.

One mouse in my paws is worth two that got away.

Don't count your lizards before you catch them!

Be happy you caught the lizard's tail, it tastes better and then you can catch the same lizard again!

What is the best way to relate to a German Shepard?  From a long way away!

When in doubt if fur is clean, wash everywhere!

Fur balls are no fun.

Where have all the birdies Gone - Cat Pesach Song

We Jewish cats have Passover too, you know.  There were lots of  Egyptian cats who didn't like the idea of being killed and embalmed when their masters passed away.  So when the news was about that there was going to be a Exodus of the Jews, so many of us cats went along.   We also followed the rats and mice who left Egypt at the same time.

We were very happy to leave Egypt, no self respecting cat wants to wear a wide gold collar!

So, here is a Cat Passover song that we yowl as we eat the remains of the Jewish seder;

Kitten playing cards
by Rainshadow4U

Sung to the tune of Peter, Paul and Mary's song Where Have all the Flowers Gone
G                              Em
Where have all the birdies gone?
C                     D
Long time passing
G                              Em
Where have all the birdies gone?
G                              Em
Long time ago,
G                              Em
Where have all the birdies gone?
C                            D
Flown south every one,
C                                 G
When will they ever learn?
C                  D            G
When will they ever learn?



Where have all the winged ones gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the winged ones gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all the winged ones gone?
Us cats have chased them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the cats gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the cats gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all the cats gone?
Chased by dogs every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the dogs gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the dogs gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all the dogs gone?
Hit by sticks every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the sticks gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the sticks gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all the sticks gone?
Burned by fire every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where has all the fire gone?
Long time passing
Where has all the fire gone?
Long time ago,
Where has all the fire gone?
Quenched by water every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where has all the water gone?
Long time passing
Where has all the water gone?
Long time ago,
Where has all the water gone?
Drunk by cats every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Reiki and Us Cats - Catki

After living with you Humans for so long, we Cats have also picked up a few spiritual practices.
One of them is Reiki.  Yes, cats have Reiki, but we call it Catki.  It is a practice that all cats do before we go to sleep.

When we find a nice comfortable place to sleep, you know it could be anywhere. I prefer a place that is soft and cushy.  I give myself a once-over and make sure that I am clean.  This is a very important point.
. .
And then lay my head down, and close my eyes.  I relax my body, even to the tip of my tail and then the Catki begins.  I  start imaging with different colors of light, starting from purple and going through each color of the rainbow until I get to the Infrared and then stop.  I call on the Only One Supreme Power of G-d  to heal me.  This is a good practice even for you Humans!

No one knows when Catki started, but all of us cats do it every time we take our naps.  You Humans wouldn't be able to guess that cats do this, but we do. That is why we don't get sick as often as you Humans do.

That is why we have to find places to sleep where we won't be bothered.   In this picture, you can see that I'm trying to get comfortable,

I hope that I won't get in trouble for revealing this cat secret.  I can take care of myself though I keep my claws very sharp!

Ramona Spotted Tabby
  

My favorite pastime, Birdwatching

Since the family closed the porch, this is the closest that I can get to going outside.  I probably should tell you WHY I can't go out.  it was because of what happened the last time I went out.  Do you really want to know?  It is a sad story. (boo Hoo)  Well at least it is for me, Considering how it turned out!



Well it was a rainy day off and on, about a year ago.  Cold like this, say 5 degrees Celsius, but the sun was out.  As soon as the back door opened, I raced out like I always do when the back door opens. 

The father, well, he let me out you see, and I know how to climb  up the wooden pergola very well, it is like walking on the sky! ⭐ 

The day started out nice, but a bit cold, but no matter because I have a nice fur coat.  I had fun playing on the roof, chasing pigeons and generally having a good time, I took a nap in a sunny place. 

Then, the clouds started to rush in and I was on the other side of the building. I took cover from the sudden rain. 

Well it rained for two days. 
I was cold and scared. 

But then I got hungry.  I forgot the way out and I heard a funny sound like a moving room crreeek  creeek 

I found a dry place, and I drank some water from a pond that I found, but I was still hungry. 

but scared. 

I stayed where I was for two days, and then I was REALLY hungry so I started meowing. and MEOWING  and singing and Meowing. 

Finally my family came, they climbed up the elevator service shaft by the ladder and tried to get me to go down. They then brought some FOOD!! YUM 

They tried to catch me, but I was too fast, and to tell you the truth, a bit ok, a lot dirty.  They did this for 3 days, I lost a lot of weight you know, 

Then, the weather cleared up, and I came home.  

So that's why they built this extra room you see me in and why I can't go out anymore.  The neighbors were going to call the municipality, to get me out if I didn't come, I made so much noise. 

So now, the closest I can get to the birds is to watch them out the window.  Meow :(

The Angry Cat - A short short story

    The Angry Cat

By Rachael Orbach


Avishai Cohen was one angry cat.  Everything that happened made him
angry.  The way he woke up in the morning groggy and full of sleep
filled him with anger.  Hiss!!  Hiss!!  I have to sharpen my claws!!

"Why can't I wake up like everybody else?"  he
would say to himself.  After a cold shower (he tortured himself that way, taking showers)  he felt a little better,
that was until he heard the morning news. 

 " More Grad missiles fall on
Sederot" the headline blared out.

 " Why do they have to have a war in
the middle of my work week?" he demanded.

The children didn't want to eat breakfast,  "Eat your breakfast kittens!"
Avishai yelled.

        " Don't yell in the morning," his wife, Fritzi Cohen reminded.
    
    But Avishai could not listen, and continued being angry.  He left to
go to shul, slamming the door. (This is a Jewish cat family) 

        It was a relief not having him in the apartment for an hour, now
things could get done without all that noise.

      Fritzi needed the car to take a kitten to the veterinarian, so she drove
Avishai to work. His job was in another part of town, he worked as  the post-cat, and was fed up at being barked at by all the dogs in that neighborhood.   Maybe it was because he was the only cat brave enough to do the job, but it bothered him to be barked at all the time. 
      
  "Move in to the right lane." Avishai directed.
    
    "No, I need to be in this lane because at the next street, I have to
make a left," his wife countered.
       
 "Hey, beep that car, he is going to come into your lane!" Avishai pushed.
      
   "No, I can't beep, I'm going around him and I need my hands on the
steering wheel to drive."
       
  "But he was in your way! Why didn't you beep him?"
    
    "It is not up to me to tell him how to drive.  If he is not careful,
he is going to have an accident, but I go around traffic hazards very
carefully." his wife said.
       
 "Where are you going?" Avishai asked.
        
"I'm taking you to your work, aren't I" his wife said
      

  "But I wanted to go the other way!" said Avishai,
       
 "You asked me to drive, so you don't bother the driver, I had a plan that would take us to your job with the least amount of traffic, and the safest way, without dangerous, busy intersections, so I don't have to make left turns without traffic lights. When you ask someone to drive, you are a passenger, not the driver and you let the driver make the driving decisions.  If the driver gets distracted, mistakes can happen, which can cause accidents." His wife said calmly.
     
   "Hey! You went through a red light!" yelled Avishai
   
     "Proves my point, you distracted the driver and I made a mistake.  If you continue to badger me while I am driving, I won't not only drive you but also not get in the car with you at all." Fritzi said.

 With that she parked the car, got out and walked the long way home, swishing her tail to and fro very fast.  This was to help calm herself down.  She also found some nice trees to sharpen her claws more than once. 

 She  would use a taxi to take the child to the doctor.  It just wasn't worth the emotional trouble to drive her husband to work.

Buying a Used flute and a happy cat, Pearl N-96

I am here lying down getting some zzz's and Mom comes in my domain with a new flute.  She plays, then pets me and then plays again.     I like flute music,  It's ok,   The sound I mean, not so much the petting and picking up and putting me on my back  I hiss all the time, and if I get to three hisses then I start to scratch and bite.  I squiggle away!   

Now, my owner the Flute teacher is going to talk to you: 

Here is the flute, Pearl N96, Nickel silver, it looks nice and it is very light weight. It's great for people who have had trouble with trigger finger, it won't put a lot of pressure on the thumbs.  A nice addition is the black tenon covers.  The big one for the headjoint, and the small one for the body.  It helps to keep the flute in the case and not moving around.  The case is smaller and lighter weight too!   Not so expensive and so I feel it is a good value for the money!  If you want to rent it, I'll think about it.


Rachael Alice Orbach
rachael5760@yahoo.com for lessons and instrument rentals