Chapter 9 Snow in Jerusalem

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      What is this white stuff?  It started coming down from the sky a few days ago, and left this cold stuff on the ground.  I don't like water, but I did come out in the rain that came before.  We cats don't mind a little rain, but when it gets to be a flood, I find someplace to hide!

      Yesterday I came

out, and very surprisingly, I was  able to walk on top!  I'm very light so my feet don't sink in.  That's lucky because it is very deep.  All the vroomy things are marooned and can't move! I hope that this goes away soon, but the mice that do come out are very thin, but they are easy to catch! Not such good a meal though.  The trash is covered up and I don't smell anything tasty there. Here's a picture when it was coming down. It looks pretty, but after a while it gets very cold! The sun is starting to come out! Wow, I wonder how long it will take for all this stuff to go away?  And then will it warm up?  I don't know.

      I thought that Israel was supposed to be a warm country?  The sun shining all the time?  And what about Global Warming? This is cold, not warm, what are they talking about?  Maybe it is going to be an Ice Age?   Cold stuff is just not my cup of tea! Cats can't wear boots, I don't care if there is a famous story about Puss in Boots! They just don't make them small enough for a cat. And how would we put them on? Or take off? Ah well. I hope it ends soon! 

Chapter 8 A home visit

It is not what you might be thinking, I'm not a social worker, who is worse than a mother-in-law! I don't criticize people and take their kids away!  I once visited a house.  I was outside just having a great time roaming around the mother caught me and brought me into a building.  She put me in this moving room, with a shiny wall.  I didn't trust it so I didn't look into it.  There was another cat and it was scary the way the room was moving.  So as soon as the door opened, I got out of there!

There were a lot of new smells there, I can't describe it so well. Then she opened the door and I went in.  What a difference from the outside, no wind, no mouse smells.  She put a dish of milk for me, and even though I already had my breakfast, I drank it.  Fresh milk is much better than spilled milk from the trash, you know?

The little blond girl came over and I wouldn't let her go!   I think that she was too surprised to see me.  I woke her up, and she was still sleepyheaded.  I know exactly how that feels.  Most cold days I don't like to get up.  The little girl pushed me away, but  I had to get pet.  This is the best feeling in the world, if you don't  know about getting a pet behind the ears, you don't know nuthin.

 There are so many places to hide in the house.  Under the bookcase, under the couch. I know about those things because sometimes I curl up on them when I find them outside.  These are still new and not broken, that's the difference.

I just love getting pet.  Hey, don't stop! Hey, not there, Rwow, Whoops, Did I scratch you?  Oh well, Can we go back out now? 

Yes, let me out.  A house is nice, but I like my home outside better.  Oh, no, I don't like that moving room, I'll go down the stairs!  How many are there?  These are going on forever! Wow, it takes 5 minutes to find the door.  No, don't pick me up now! Grrr.  See, you didn't get a good picture this time.  

I'm outta here!  Next time some time later


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Chapter 7 Chanuka in the Holy City of Jerusalem

This week, something interesting is going on in Jerusalem and I think also in the rest of the world, but I'm not sure, of course.  In the evenings everyone lights these lights and some are outside lit with oil.  Here is a picture of one of them.  Each day there is a new light.  I like to go close and look at them, but the glass boxes are too hot to touch  Yup, I found out the hard way.  But don't worry, I'm not hurt.

I won't try that again, nope, never again! 

So I'm told that this is called Chanuka.  (however you spell it!).   The thing is that my humans that I like to have pet me have not been coming out in the morning.  I'm not sure for how long, because for a few days, it was very cold in the morning, and I just couldn't get up and go over there to check.  But they have been coming out in the afternoon now.  Can't they make up their minds?   There is less vroomy things in the neighborhood now, and many more kids on bicycles and roller skates.  Most people don't like us cats, but some do.   So I have different families that I go to for different reasons. 

There is one family that I go to for food.  They gave me this stuff that has cheese and tomatoes, starts with a p sound. I don't know, it was ok. but not the best. I like milk and tuna the best.  I have a special place outside that I sleep, under a few different bushes. 

 I'm called Tab, you may think that is short for Tabby, but the boy named me Tab short for Tablet. Computer.  But because I'm a mix of brown and black, I can hide under a bush and most likely no one will see me.  This is great for catching mice and rats.  I like to chase them, and eat them! That's why you don't see many when I'm around. Of course, I don't mind the milk and tuna either.  I have a different name in Cat, but you humans can't pronounce it so I won't bother to tell you.  So there! 

This holiday, the kids are around all the time, so I stay clear except for the two families that I like.  I'll see you around. Sometime.  You might think that you have tamed me, but it is really the other way around! 

Chapter 6 Cat Fight!

Rrow, grr,  Rrowwww, Gree, Trow!

I'll get you! Hey, White cat, get out of my territoy!  Yes, run, run for your tail!  I'll get you. Humm, there's my humans.  Ok, you can get away today, but I'll get you tomorrow.  Just when you feel safe, I'll jump out from behind the trash and I'll be on your tail!

What?  You didn't know this was my territory?  Well think again, wheat head.  Yes, I'm calling you a wheat head.  You House cat.  Don't come out  here again unless you can claw your way through us Street Cats.  Yes, I know that you have lived here for a while, but I'm top Alpha cat here.  Even though you have long fur it doesn't count in my book.

Well, I gotta go, there's my humans.  I really like the small sized one, she had been trying to play with me with that string, but I don't feel like playing nowadays. It is getting colder and I missed my petting yesterday.  It was Saturday, and the humans in this neighborhood didn't come out yesterday, and there were no vroom things, cars you call them?  It was strange.  I don't make a difference between the days of the week.  What is a week anyway?  You humans are strange.  Yes, I'm calling you strange.  You have to wear things on your bodies to keep warm, and you don't have fur.  Just a bit on the top of your head.  What is the use of that?  In order to keep warm, you have to have it all over.   You don't have a tail or claws to defend yourselves.  Yup, you are strange.

Me?  I'm a cat, I'm perfect, I got claws that I like to sharpen on things.  Wow, here's a suitcase, Just the thing to sharpen my claws.

That's better!  Now where is that Wheat Head?  I feel the need to chase. It gets the blood flowing. There he is, I can smell him! Yup, Rwow, Rowwr, Merow, Whoops, he got away.

I like to run, yes, but only in the mornings.  After that I find a nice place to sleep.  Usually I like to be in the sun, but anyplace where the rain won't fall is good for me.  I hope it won't rain today!

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Chapter 5 Cats play with String

Yes, even us "Wild Cats" play with string!  I will chase anything that moves, and my humans found this green shoelace thing, and when I get tired of being petted, which is not very often, you know, I will play with the string! There it goes again!  Let me catch it!  Ah, that's great.  Can I get it again?  I could do this for hours, well maybe not hours, but it is almost as good as catching a mouse, I can get it over and over.  Mice, well, most of the time, they don't come back for seconds!


When I feel safe enough I'll also give myself a bath.  Usually I don't bother, dirt doesn't show up on me, cause I'm already black and tan, as you can see.  But then the small sized human said that I was dirty so I got down to business!  It is hard to reach all the itchy parts, especially on the neck, so that's what I need humans for!

Whoa!  What is that?  I see a dog!  What is a dog doing in this neighborhood!  I can't take a bath now!  I have to watch that dog.  Oh, it is on a leash.  That's a a long string for dogs.  We cats don't need that sort of things, we come and go as we please.  No, don't even think of putting something on my neck! Rworw!  Hiss.  

Oh, you don't want to pet me now?  Because of a little hiss?  I good now,  no hard feelings.  Hey, put out your fist, I want to pet myself on you?  What you have to do?  But, but but.  Well if you insist.  I'll follow you a bit.  

Humm, what's this?  Little brown bird with a long tail.  Where did you come from?  Nachalelli?  You say, long name for such a little bird.  Whoops, you are too fast for me to catch.  Good riddance. 

Hey, where did the human go?  I'm getting used to these humans.  They are sort of fun to have around.  I'll just have to remember to come out to them on time again tomorrow.  See Ya! 

Chapter 4 - For you my future kitten

If I had kittens, which I do not have right now, I would do things differently than you humans!  I watch you.  I see what you do and I will remember.

There was a mother and a baby who were sitting here one day waiting for one of those big four wheel van things. The little girl was waiting for her ride, and the mother and baby were with her.  Well they were sitting there with her but not really with her, if you get my drift.  The baby wanted attention and kept spitting out the plastic thing that some people keep parked in the baby's mouth, I guess the baby didn't like the taste or something and the baby started to scream. So this is really sad what happened.

I've seen other mothers and babies sit here and usually they play with the baby, sing and generally make a fool of themselves, but no one ever says anything.  It is usually very cute and other people sometimes come and play with the baby too.  Nothing wrong with that.  So anyway, this mother either she is lazy or something or she doesn't like to play so she took out of her purse this screen thing and turned it on and immediately the baby was glued to it.  The mother had it play happy songs, like for kids, you know, kids walking around in a circle, a bunny singing,  and stuff like that. What was the mother doing when the baby was watching the screen?  She was holding the baby, but not paying attention to it at all, she was talking to her friend, about a party that she wanted to give the next Sunday night!

Is this the future generation of humans, being trained to pay attention not to people but to a screen?  Is that what is most important in life?  Well maybe for humans, but not for cats!  No wonder people are rude and don't like to interact with people.  They are trained to look at a screen at a very early age.

That is why when I find humans that don't have this screen thing attached to their faces, I come and meow, they meow back, and I pet them.  They think that they are the ones doing the action, but I know better. There is more to life than screens.  I like to smell all the new smells, catch the occasional mouse and lay in wait for a bird.  Sometimes I get one!

When I have kittens you bet that I will teach them all the basics, like I was taught.  How to run and catch the birds, use my nose to find trouble, and maybe keep out of it, how to catch lizards, and not just the tail part, how to find the best humans to pet me.   You Bet!


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Chapter 3 Three's a good number

I like the number 3.  For three mornings, once I figured out that the humans were getting up later, lazy, lazy, lazy. They let have the day go by without moving!  Why do they do that?

Well, I figured out where my three favorite humans are everyday.  They wait at the roundabout, until some big van comes by.  When it does, I don't know how they know the difference,  all things on four wheels look the same to me!  I always say, when I see them, a big "Mroww, Get out of the way! " So when the right one comes by, two of the smaller ones, get inside, you couldn't catch me inside one of those monsters at any time! And they go off.  That leaves the mature one that sometimes has blond hair, and sometimes a hat, or a scarf, to pet me for a while.  Yesterday they tried to feed me some small yellow square thing, but I don't want food from them,  Just being petted.

I'm getting my winter underfur, and it's harder and harder to get to the itchy spots on my neck, so that's where I  like scratched.  So today I sat on the mature one and didn't let her leave without a nice good long pet.  I had to nip a bit for her to the idea not to move.  That's what humans are for!  Cat petters.  Why else would G-d have humans and cats in the same place.  One has to serve the other.  I am alpha cat and that's the rules.

I think I found out where the blond human lives, but the building is not in my territory.  I can get close but there are some really mean cats at that garbage, so  I can walk her most of the way home.

I hope that they come out tomorrow, so I can have at least some human company  Cat company is not the same,  Mostly we fight over the good pieces of chicken and of course the female cats.  But we don't pet each other and when I see that cat with whom I had that big fight that ended up injuring my eye, I really want to give him a piece of my tail!  Not literally of course, but I really want to unsheath my very sharp claws and show him a thing or two.

Now I'm going to find a nice place in the sun to have a nap, take a bath and then go mousing.  That's what us street cats do.

Catch you later sometime.  "Mrow!"

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Chapter 2 Time change:

What is up with these humans?  I have been here in this neighborhood for a long time, maybe not long enough, but I'm good. And the food comes out from the houses in the morning bit after the sun rises.  It usually is very tasty and the yogurts are fresh, opened, so I don't have to claw through it, and there is enough that if I lick a few I get full.  I stay away from the brown ones, it doesn't taste good to a cat.  Yes, Chocolate is not good for cats.  But I like the chicken on Saturday night even it is a bit dry.  Why don't the humans eat the dry chicken? If feels like it was out all day, and it is stringy, but who cares?  Not me.  I like any leftovers.  But today, what's up?  The people didn't come out until later. I am upset.  I like to get in a yogurt, and then I go off to catch a mouse or two.  I finished off all the lizards in this neighborhood a long time ago.  In the winter they don't move too fast and they are easy.  Unless I get the tail. Those come off, but are still tasty.  Why don't the people come out like usual?  Maybe they all are sick today.

Most people are afraid of me.  I don't know why.  I am a good cat.  You see, it might be because of my eye.  Yes, I can't see well out of my left eye.  You can't see it in the picture, but most people see me and run the other way.   No matter, my motto is not to bother others, and they won't bother me.  Life is easier that way.  Oh, look, here are the humans that like to pet! I'll run over to them, maybe they will pet me!  

"Meow, Meow" I say, they say back "Meow, Meow"  They don't know what they are saying,but I won't tell!  As long as it is not a swear word, it is ok.  

"No, put your hand out and I'll do the petting, Yes, just like that." I kiss with my nose and then run my head up and under.  That's good,  You know a cat needs more than just a good meal in life.  A good pet just warms a body up.  

"No, don't pick me up!  Don't you know that all the other street cats make fun of me when they see you pick me up! Meow, Meow,  Don't worry, I used to be a house cat, I won't scratch., Now lets go for a walk.  Come along human,  let's go this way.  Yes, follow me.  I just like to walk.  No, that's my toilet, stay away from that flower box! Meow, Meow,"  I said.

"Meow. Meow" says the human.  

"I'm not going to tell that you have the accent all wrong.  No cat is ever going to be fooled by that meow, you have to put more higher frequencies in it." I say. 

Where are you going, Human?  Around the building?  well ok.  This is a boring walk, no cars, no mice. Why are we doing this?  Oh, now that we have gone all around the building you want to pet me?  

Rrrow, no way, I have better things to do.   Catch ya later, but when that will be I don't know.  See ya. 

Rrow. 

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Cats Prefer Blondes Chapter 1 Opening Lines

I am a tabby cat, rather thin, well what do you expect living on the streets of Jerusalem?  I am fairly young, and I love Blondes!  Oh, I see one, maybe she will pet me?  No.  I guess she doesn't like cats.  That's too bad really, because I am a very nice cat.  I don't bite or scratch, even when I really want to get pet.  I live near a few trash dumpsters, on Kehati Street.  There are a lot of kids here, but most try to shoo me away.  What do they have against cats?  Maybe the kid in the blue shirt got scratched by the ornery Orange that defends number 13's trash.  I don't know.  One thing that I do know, I wouldn't be able to live anywhere else! You see I am blind in one eye, and here in the city there are pretty good pickings, but in the country all the cats have to do is to chase rats and mice.  Not, I'm in favor of a good rat chase, and I enjoy it and all, but I don't think I would be able to survive out there.  Here the mice are pretty fat from all the yogurt that people throw away, so it is pretty easy to catch them, but in the Jerusalem forest, I think that they would be much faster.

Oh, there's the blond that likes to pet me!  "Meow, Meow" good she is sitting down on this bench.  Pet me pet, me.  See, I don't use my claws.  I'm a good cat.

I used to live in an apartment, but my owner left.  See, she had to.  It was a nice ground floor apartment, and I could go in and out any time I wanted.  She had good cat food too.  That's the best.  I like liver flavor.  But one day, she left the sprinklers on in the garden and went out to work.  She works in Kiryat Sefer, that's a village about an hour's drive from here.  I heard her talking on the phone so that's why I know so much English, as well as Cat.  So, anyway, she left the water going and forgot to turn it off, and the ground level is right above the storage rooms, and well, not only did her storage room get flooded, but a number of other peoples.   So all the neighbors in the building were mad at her.  It got to a point that she had to move.  But she didn't take me.  . .  So now I roam the streets.  It's not a bad life, a bit cold in the winter, but I usually find a nice warm car to snuggle under, and as I said the food's not too bad.

This is draft one Chapter one of my new book "Cats Prefer Blondes"
I have decided to do the Blog style of writing and get your comments before I publish on Amazon.
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Thanks for reading and there will be other installments as I get inspiration.
Rachael Alice Orbach
P.S. comments are welcome, try to be nice. ok?